Tears

For many years I was unable to cry for myself. There were many hidden disappointments in my life yet unable to express the sincere sadness within. I do struggle with depression but just couldn't seem to cry to relieve the anguish within.


Lately, I've found a venue to cry all I want. It's rather hilarious though. I am an avid fan of Kdramas since 2014. Their story lines are so moving and touching that many of them bring me to tears.


Yesterday, I washed my sheets because after a few days of tearing up, it reeked. Yeah!


Fresh sheets this week but I started another drama that I ended up watching three episodes back to back.


I struggled with the guilt of watching one this morning. I had this battle in my head whether to watch on at 5:30 a.m. Seriously, why do I feel guilty doing some mundane things like watching TV. It's as though I'm doing something wrong.


Regardless, I questioned..."People have vices like drinking, smoking, do drugs...what's wrong with watching Kdramas?" Hey, I'll get stuff done regardless around here.


Can't imagine where all this self guilt comes from. Like I don't allow myself to be happy or something.


Ah to heck with everything, I'm watching an episode at 5:30 a.m. Yes, I know I should be living life to the fullest but at age 55 I'm enjoying this phase of just sitting around and watching TV. I've raised four sons and am a loving wife of 35 years. Hey, I deserve this!!!


LOL, see this is what I mean. The battle in my crazy mind. sigh



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